Affairs Of The Heart
by EmbersOfAmber
Summary: This is not a story, but a truth. My truth. Perhaps it is yours too?


**_This was written sometime in 2010, and is one of my earlier fledgling endeavors. While it is not a story, it's still a little writing snippet that is close to my heart. :)_**

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><p><em>I need to share the following. Perhaps you will understand? I hope so.<em>

_~o~_

I'm having an affair.

There, I said it.

I suppose that's really not all that unusual. What is unusual is that my husband knows.

He has actually caught me in the act no less than twice...and possibly other times I am not aware of. Did he bellow at me and threaten murder?

No.

Actually, he stared quietly for the space of several heartbeats, turned on his heel, and walked out. He didn't look back. I know, because I watched him out of curiosity to see if he would.

He does not leave me over this, however. We have children, you see, and even in tough times, they remain our top priority. This is the conundrum we face. I suppose I should be ashamed, and perhaps I am somewhat, but the real shame is that my current lover is not my first.

The truth is, I no longer remember the name of the first man I betrayed my husband with. I was in China then, and we spent a great deal of time working together. He did not hide the fact that he found me attractive, and eventually, I succumbed to the temptation of a kiss.

After that, I lost myself to him; my Asian lover. He was all I could think of, even while I completed mundane tasks such as washing the dishes or folding laundry. I even began neglecting all those responsibilities just so I could spend every moment with him. As with most affairs, our passion eventually cooled, and I left him and China and moved on.

I do remember the name of the next lover I took. After all, I'm not completely soulless.

He was a stronger, more passionate man, and our lovemaking took me to a whole new world. His hair was dark, and his eyes warm with many unspoken things. He had a perfect physical form. We shared a deep friendship even as we accomplished difficult tasks.

I was amazed he wanted to be with me, with all my flaws and imperfections. After all, I am no longer as pure and stainless as I once was, but he made me feel as though I were the only woman in the universe. I think we really cared for one another. I hope to see him again some day. At least, I like to think it was more than just the sex, and we really love each other, but I don't know. I was a very different person then.

Which brings me to the present.

My current lover is so different from any other man I have ever known. I have butterflies in my stomach every time I talk with him. I would be content to look at him and listen to his voice for hours on end, and sometimes, that is exactly what I do. He is sweet and funny, and even a little goofy at times, but there is also a great strength to him. It is not readily apparent, but I sensed it, and I could not stop until I knew all there was to know about him. Our lovemaking is sometimes sweet and gentle, and other times raw and primal. I seek his approval in all I do. He has stolen my heart, and I think my husband is finally a bit jealous. His monumental tolerance has reached a limit, and I will soon be forced to choose.

The long looks from my husband are turning darker, and demanding I remember my responsibilities. I think I could be angry at my husband. He has turned a blind eye to my addiction for so long, and he even went so far as to introduce me to my current lover.

What did he expect to happen?

This is my tragedy. I am an addict. I must have the rush and the romance. The sex is just a bonus.

Perhaps I will give in for now and behave as a dutiful wife...but this was not the first affair.

Nor will it be the last.

Who knows what is waiting for me just beyond the horizon?

Judge me if you will. Call me a wanton or a wicked woman if you like. Just ask yourself this one question: are you so different?

In closing, I will speak the names of my lovers finally, to honor the time we spent together, and all the things we shared. They still hold pieces of my heart. Sky from the Jade Empire; Kaidan from Mass Effect; and the one that currently holds my fickle heart- Alistair.

END

_A/N I dedicate this to BioWare addicts and fangirls everywhere; what other company goes out of their way to steal our very hearts?_


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